Swipe Right with Confidence. Find Your Vibe, Make Connections and Level Up Your Dating Game!| Milk and Melt's Monday 11/11

Hey Girlfriend, Let’s Decode These Dating Apps Together!

Alright Alright Alrightttt, you’ve decided to step into the world of dating apps! Whether it’s because your auntie done set you up on one too many awkward blind dates or because you’re just curious about the hype, welcome to the digital dating arena. Grab your favorite mug (filled with tea or wine, no judgment here), and let’s chat about making this journey fun, safe, and stress-free while keeping it 100% you.

First things first, every dating app has its vibe. Some feel like that sophisticated lounge downtown, filled with well-dressed folks sipping on cocktails and actually listening to each other. Others? More like the club you outgrew years ago, where the music is loud, the lights are dim, and the intentions…well, let’s just say they’re a little unclear. So ask yourself what you’re hoping to find. If you’re looking to connect with folks in the Black community, apps like BLK and BlackPeopleMeet are where it’s at. Or, if you’re about serious connections, Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel have a “quality over quantity” approach that just might match your vibe. And hey, if you’re in the mood to keep things light and see where the conversation flows, Bumble and Tinder can be a good time. So, how do you know where you’ll find the vibe you’re looking for? Start by asking yourself what you’re hoping to get out of the experience. Are you looking for something serious or just testing the waters?

• For Building Connections Within Our Community:

  • BLK: Perfect for connecting with Black singles in a space where cultural nuances are understood.
  • BlackPeopleMeet: One of the largest platforms for Black singles, with options for both friendships and serious connections.

• For Serious Connections:

  • Hinge: Their “Designed to be deleted” slogan says it all. This app is for those looking to settle down.
  • Coffee Meets Bagel: Perfect for those who value quality over quantity with limited daily matches.

• For Casual Vibes:

  • Bumble: Where you get to make the first move, giving you control of who you talk to.
  • Tinder: Known for its swipe-right format; it’s low-pressure and great for meeting new people with no rush.

Talk to friends, read reviews, and go with the app that best matches your vibe and goals.

Now, let’s talk about your bio because, that’s your stage! This is your time to shine and let your personality take center stage. Skip the overused “I love to laugh and travel” let’s go deeper. If you’re all about neo-soul or have a brunch spot you love, put it out there! A good bio has a mix of realness, humor, and a sprinkle of curiosity. Tell folks who you are, what you love, and give them a little something to start a conversation. And keep it positive, sis! Focus on the things you enjoy instead of what you don’t want. It’s all about attracting the energy that makes you feel good. Your bio is your first impression, so let’s make it count! 

• Highlight Your Interests - Are you all about Sunday brunch, or do you hit every jazz show in town? Mention it! These details make you memorable.
• Keep It Positive - It’s tempting to list deal-breakers, but you’ll attract more genuine interest by focusing on what you love.
• Add a Conversation Starter - Try something like, “On the lookout for the best mac-and-cheese in the city. Got any recommendations?” It’s playful, approachable, and an easy conversation starter.

And about those photos, this isn’t about meeting anyone else’s standards; it’s about letting your glow shine through! Solo shots are perfect for showing who you are, and that natural lighting is your friend. Show off your style, whether you’re rocking the latest fashion trends or cozy athleisure. And remember, stay safe with what you share. Avoid photos that reveal personal details like your home or favorite coffee spot. Keep it cute, keep it safe, and let your beauty shine! Looks aren’t everything, but photos give a sense of your personality, style, and vibe. Your pictures should showcase who you are, not just how you look.

• Solo Shots - Make sure you have a few clear photos of just you so people know who you are.
• Show Your Style - Whether it’s sneakers or stilettos, let your authentic style shine through.
• Natural Lighting is Your Friend - Natural light captures your best features and gives that effortless glow.
• Keep It Safe - Avoid photos that reveal too much about your surroundings. Let’s keep your personal life private.

Set boundaries because your time and energy are precious. You don’t have to respond to every message instantly, and it’s totally okay to be selective about who gets your time. If someone’s vibe feels off, trust your instincts and move on. There are plenty of people out there, and not everyone deserves access to you. Be clear on your non-negotiables, whether it’s values, respect, or goals, know what’s important to you and stick to it. Setting boundaries from the start helps you protect your time and energy. Dating apps can be fun, but without boundaries, they can also be draining. Here’s how to set the tone.

• Trust Your Gut - Your intuition is powerful, sis. If someone’s messages make you feel uneasy or something just doesn't sit right, listen to that feeling.

  • Example - Maybe they’re pressing you for personal information too soon, like your home address or details about your family. If that feels off, it probably is. Don’t hesitate to unmatch or block them.

  • Another Example - If someone starts making inappropriate comments or jokes that make you uncomfortable, you have every right to end the conversation. You don't owe anyone your time or a response if they're disrespecting you.

• Set Communication Limits - You don't have to be available 24/7. It's perfectly okay to respond when it suits you. This helps prevent burnout and keeps the experience enjoyable.

  • Example - If you're winding down for the night and someone messages you, feel free to reply the next day when you're refreshed and in the mood to chat. There's no rule that says you have to be constantly on call.

  • Another Example - Let’s say you prefer not to give out your phone number right away. It's okay to keep the conversation on the app until you're comfortable. You can politely let them know, “I like to get to know someone a bit more before exchanging numbers.”

• Know Your Non-Negotiables - Be clear about what you won't compromise on, whether it's certain values, future goals, or the way you expect to be treated.

  • Example - If you're looking for a serious relationship and someone mentions they're only interested in something casual, recognize that mismatch. It's better to move on than to hope they'll change their mind.

  • Another Example - If family is important to you and they dismiss or belittle that, take note. Your priorities matter, and the right person will respect and share them.

  • One More Example - Maybe you have certain cultural or spiritual practices that are essential to your life. If someone can't respect that, it's a sign they might not be the right fit.

When you’re first chatting with someone, keep it light and fun. You’re here to enjoy the process, not to give a full life history. Ask open-ended questions, share some funny stories, and remember that you don’t owe anyone your full background until you’re comfortable.

The goal is to enjoy those first conversations, not feel like you’re in an interview. Talking to new people can feel awkward as it is, but the goal is to enjoy the process, not turn it into a job interview. When chatting with someone new on a dating app, it’s all about finding that balance between keeping it engaging and protecting your peace. Here’s how to make the conversation flow naturally while still feeling out if they’re a good match for your energy

• Ask Open-Ended Questions - Avoid those yes-or-no questions and give your conversations a little more room to breathe. Open-ended questions lead to more engaging answers and show that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them.

  • Example Instead of just asking, “What do you do for work?” try, “What do you love most about your work?” or “If you could do anything for a day, no limits, what would you do?” This not only gets the other person talking but also lets you see what really lights them up.

  • Another Example If they mention a hobby, dig a little deeper with a question like, “What got you interested in that?” or “If you could share one piece of advice for someone starting out, what would it be?” You’re letting them tell their story, which makes the conversation feel more personal and less like an interview.

• Share Funny Stories - Humor is a great way to break the ice and show off your personality. Sharing a lighthearted story can make you both feel more relaxed and connected.

  • Example Got a funny story from your last vacation or a mishap in the kitchen? Share it! For instance, “Last time I tried making banana bread, I ended up with something that tasted more like bricks than bananas. Ever had a cooking disaster?” This invites the other person to laugh with you and might inspire them to share a funny story of their own.

  • Another Example If you’ve had a hilarious dating mishap, like accidentally matching with a friend or going to the wrong place on a first date, it can be a great way to keep things real and show your playful side. People often appreciate authenticity and humor, it makes the conversation memorable.

• Avoid Oversharing - While it’s tempting to dive deep when you find someone interesting, it’s important to pace yourself and keep some boundaries in those early conversations.

  • Example If they ask about your family, instead of spilling all the details, keep it general: “I come from a big family, and we’re super close. How about you?” This way, you’re open but not giving away too much too soon.

  • Another Example If the topic of past relationships comes up, stay light. Instead of detailing your dating history, you could say something like, “I’ve learned a lot from past experiences, and I’m looking forward to meeting new people.” You’re setting the tone for a fresh start without diving into personal history right away.

Keeping things easygoing, playful, and intentional helps you focus on enjoying the experience without the pressure of revealing too much, too fast. With these simple tips, you’re creating a safe, positive space for real connection, and keeping the vibe fun and lighthearted at the same time!

Just like you don’t let anyone mess with your edges, protect your energy on these apps! Dating apps are a tool, not a requirement. Sometimes, the dating app world can feel overwhelming, and it’s okay to step back if you need a break. Don’t take things personally if someone ghosts you or if the conversation fizzles out, just brush it off and remember that it’s all part of the journey. Stay grounded by surrounding yourself with friends who uplift you and who’ll hype you up every step of the way!

• • Take Breaks When Needed - There’s no rule that says you have to be on dating apps every day. Sometimes, stepping back and giving yourself a breather can be the best way to refresh your energy.

    • Example If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the number of messages or matches, take a weekend off from the apps. Use the time to pamper yourself, catch up with friends, or enjoy some “me” time. When you come back, you’ll feel refreshed and ready to approach dating with renewed excitement.

    • Another Example If you’re just not feeling it, don’t force it. Taking a week (or even a month) off is perfectly okay. You’re in control of the pace, and there’s no rush. Remind yourself that love doesn’t have a deadline—it’ll still be there when you’re ready.

  • Don’t Take It Personally - People might ghost, conversations may fizzle out, or someone might cancel last-minute. It’s easy to feel hurt, but remember, most of the time, it’s about them—not you. Keep your confidence intact and remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to anyone else’s actions.

    • Example If someone stops replying after a few great messages, don’t internalize it as a reflection of you. Sometimes people lose interest, get busy, or simply aren’t in the same place as you emotionally. Shift your perspective and see it as an opportunity to move on and make room for a connection that’s truly mutual.

    • Another Example If someone cancels plans or backs out of a date last minute, take it as a chance to do something nice for yourself instead. Turn the evening into a self-care night with your favorite movie, a good book, or some time spent with friends. You deserve someone who respects your time, so keep looking forward, not back.

  • Surround Yourself with Positivity - When dating gets tough, it helps to share your experiences with friends who uplift and support you. Choose people who encourage you to see the humor in things, build your confidence, and keep you excited about the journey.

    • Example Chat with friends who are also dating—they get it and can offer laughs, encouragement, and fresh perspectives. They’ll remind you that you’re not alone in this, and you can share each other’s successes and funny mishaps without judgment.

    • Another Example If you have a friend who’s more skeptical about dating apps or who often makes negative comments, it’s okay to gently set boundaries. Stick with friends who make you feel good about putting yourself out there. Try saying, “I really want to focus on the positives in dating right now, so let’s keep it light.” This way, you’re protecting your energy and keeping the experience uplifting.

In the world of digital dating, catfishing is an unfortunate reality. Catfishing happens when someone creates a fake profile or pretends to be someone else entirely. While most people are genuine, it’s essential to stay vigilant, both in protecting yourself from catfish and making sure you’re showing up authentically.

When you’re putting yourself out there, resist the urge to embellish or portray someone you’re not. Authenticity is the key to building real connections, so choose photos that genuinely represent you, and write a bio that reflects your true interests and personality. If you feel the urge to stretch the truth, remember that real connections are built on solid, honest foundations.

Spotting the Signs of a Catfish
Knowing the red flags can help you spot potential catfish before you get too invested

• If their profile reads like a fairytale and their photos look straight out of a magazine, proceed with caution. While they might be an amazing catch, it’s wise to dig a little deeper if everything seems too perfect.

• A catfish profile often lacks personal photos or uses images that are overly professional. If they only have one or two high-quality images without variety (like casual or candid shots), be wary. Real people usually have a range of photos that show different aspects of their life.

• One of the biggest red flags of a catfish is that they’ll avoid real-time interaction. If someone has endless excuses for why they can’t video call or meet up, it’s worth re-evaluating. A genuine connection involves real-time interaction sooner or later.

• Catfish often shower you with excessive compliments and intense interest from the start. While genuine people can be enthusiastic, balanced interactions usually take time to build. If they’re coming on too strong, it might be a sign that something’s off.

Here are a few tips to stay safe and keep your dating experience positive and protect yourself from catfishing:

• With video call options available on most apps, suggesting a quick call shouldn’t be a problem for someone genuine. A real person will be willing and able to jump on a call to verify their identity.

• If their photos look too perfect or you’re not sure, do a quick reverse image search to see if the pictures are used elsewhere. This easy step can confirm that they are who they say they are.

• If something feels off or they’re too secretive, listen to that instinct. Your intuition is there to protect you, so don’t ignore it. It’s better to be safe than sorry, protect your peace.

Navigating dating apps can be fun and rewarding, but a little healthy caution goes a long way. Remember, while the occasional catfish might try to sneak into the dating pond, you’ve got the awareness and tools to steer clear.

Safety First. While you’re out there making connections and enjoying the dating journey, a few simple precautions can help you stay secure and feel empowered.

Stick to App Messaging
When you’re just getting to know someone, keep the conversation within the app. This maintains your privacy, and most apps have safety features that protect you from unwanted behavior. Sticking to in-app messaging means that if things start to feel off, you can easily block or report the person without them having your personal contact info.

• If they ask for your phone number early on, it’s okay to say, “I prefer getting to know each other a little more here first.” Anyone who respects you will understand and appreciate your boundaries.

Try a Video Call First
A quick video chat can tell you a lot about someone. It’s a low-pressure way to see if there’s chemistry and confirm that they are who they say they are. Plus, it can give you a little peace of mind before you meet up in person.

• Suggest a short call to “say hi” before meeting up. You could say, “How about a quick video chat? It’s always nice to put a voice and face together.” A genuine person will be happy to connect this way.

Meet in Public
For first dates, always choose a well-lit, public spot like a coffee shop, brunch spot, or popular restaurant. Public spaces make it easy to feel safe and comfortable and give you control over your environment.

• If they suggest a more private setting, steer it back to a public space by saying, “I’d feel more comfortable meeting at a cafe or brunch spot for our first date.” This keeps things casual and safe while still enjoying a good time.

Let a Friend Know
Before you head out, Drop a pin, share your plans with a friend. Let them know where you’ll be, who you’re meeting, and your expected return time. This way, you’ve got someone looking out for you.

• You could even set up a quick “check-in” text with your friend mid-date to make sure everything’s going smoothly. A simple “all good” or “need an excuse to wrap up” text can help keep the night feeling secure and stress-free.

Arrange Your Own Ride
Whether you’re taking a rideshare or driving yourself, having control of your transportation means you can leave whenever you want. It gives you the independence to exit the date on your terms if things don’t feel right or you’re simply ready to go.

• Politely decline any offers for a ride home by saying, “Thank you, but I’ve got my own way back.” This keeps things simple and ensures you’re fully in control of your plans.

Stay Alert
If you choose to have a drink, keep it in sight at all times. Drinking responsibly and staying aware of your surroundings are key to feeling safe and secure.

• If you need to leave your drink, take it with you or order a fresh one when you return. Safety first!

Beware of Red Flags
Listen to your intuition. If someone is pushing for personal information, wants to meet somewhere private, or pressures you to move the conversation off the app quickly, it’s okay to step back. Trust those gut feelings, they’re there to protect you.

• If they’re asking too many questions about where you live or work, keep your responses general. You could say, “I like to keep things private until I get to know someone better.”

Navigating online dating can be fun and rewarding, but keeping these safety tips in mind ensures you can enjoy the experience with peace of mind. You’re in control, so protect your peace, keep it light, and remember that you’re the prize.

Dating apps are just a tool, they don’t define you, and they’re certainly not the only way to find love. This journey is yours to enjoy, explore, and learn from. Self-care is key, so keep up with your routines, pamper yourself, and remind yourself every day of all the incredible things you bring to the table. Affirm your worth, and don’t let any swipe or message make you forget it.

Navigating the dating app scene can be a wild ride, but with a little intention, self-awareness, and a focus on what makes you happy, it can also be a lot of fun. Whether you find a new friend, a funny story, or even a potential partner, know that every experience adds to your story and makes you richer in love and life.

So, go on, swipe with confidence, laugh through the awkward moments, and enjoy every bit of this journey. You’ve got this!

Share Your Stories!

Have you dabbled in the dating app scene? Got tips, or safety suggestions? Drop them in the comments, and let’s keep this convo going, because we’re all in this together! Check out my personal story in the comments below.